Knowing your Audience

You’ve probably figured out by now, especially if you follow my Instagram stories, that I’m not always thoughtful & serious as it would appear if you only read my blog posts. (Everyone who knows me in real life is laughing right now.) I’m often silly, random and share things that a lot of people wouldn’t. I share things that are too personal for others to share & I share things that some people would consider irrelevant or not worthy of documenting. But it all matters to me because I want you to know me. I want you to know my personality so there is life in these words. I want you to trust me and know my heart so you know where I’m coming from. Because that’s the only way you’ll care about what I want to tell you. That’s the only way you’ll give any weight to what I have to say. It sounds easy enough, right? Be yourself and people will respect you for it. Then your influence will grow so you can share what God is putting on your heart with more women.

((There’s more laughing from anyone who’s ever tried to be authentic on social media.))

To be honest, I’m struggling with this a little bit right now. Who do I want to be? Does it line up with who I appear to be? Do I need to be less of something and more of something else? These are not questions that I’m asking alone, be it on social media or otherwise. Many of you are having similar magnifications of your identity. It’s why first impressions and job interviews and first dates are important. It’s why I ask God to speak through me & help me get out of his way every Sunday when I walk up on stage with a microphone. We know that our brains make snap judgements. We only have a short window of time for people to decide who we are and what we’re about. Their conclusions are technically out of our control, but we tell them where to start. Are we guiding them in the direction of who we are deep down in our souls? Or are we sending so many mixed messages that we aren’t doing ourselves any favors in being known? I want to give you content that shows you Jesus in a new light. I want to give you content that gives you a laugh on a rough day. I want to give you content that makes you feel seen and known so you can be brave in facing whatever you’re going through. But how do I mesh all of these together to accurately represent who I am? I don’t know. It’s tricky, so I’m reminded. If you have the answer, I’m here for the guidance.

This post isn’t about social media but that’s the platform that can be the hardest to control. Have you ever posted something that came out wrong? Have you ever agonized over wording a post, got it exactly how you wanted it to be and still had someone take it the wrong way? Have you ever posted a picture you thought was beautiful and missed all the comments of people it encouraged because of the one passive aggressive one that made you feel bad about yourself? Have you ever had someone unfollow or unfriend you because they don’t think your posts are valuable? If you can’t relate to any of those, my guess is that you’re not actually active on social media. Because these things happen on the regular to all of us. It can be really hard to separate your identity from what other people think of you and really easy to take their thoughts & opinions and make them yours. Maybe that was dumb. Nobody really does care about this. My posts don’t matter because i’m not ((fill in the blank)) enough. Let’s call that out as a lie and reclaim what is true about who we are. And whose we are.

The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.
Though they stumble, they will never fail, for the Lord holds them by the hand.
-Psalm 37:23-24

The Lord directs the steps of the Godly because he wants to guide us, walk with us and give us direction. Even when we stumble. Even when we mess up or say the wrong thing. Even when we say the right thing & someone else twists it. We will never fail if we are going after Christ because God is the helper we can always come back to. Having God as a guide doesn’t mean that we have to strive to take all the right steps, make every correct choice and find His one perfect path for our lives. Even in the garden at the beginning of time, God didn’t tell Adam & Eve, “there is one correct tree to eat from, go find it.” He said, “You have options. There are lots of good choices available to you.” (They just missed the “everything but that one” part.) They never had to stress about finding the one right plan God had for them because one right tree was never God’s intention. Letting God direct you doesn’t mean that you have to figure out how to live perfectly. It means finding your identity in being His. It means relying on him to help you as you get to choose between so many good options. It means having someone who loves you enough to help you be your best self when you need to come back from a mistake. It means that God will hold your hand like a good daddy and encourage you to try again when you fall so you can be better the next time. And if you get back up again, your fall will never become a fail.

Please don't miss that sweet little nugget tucked in to verse 23. I love the NLT version of this verse for the one phrase that encourages my soul: He delights in every detail of their lives. Every detail. Your emotions, your thoughts, your actions, yes yes yes. But every detail? Random silliness that has seemingly no importance whatsoever? He says yes. Car dance parties? Yes. Sharing things that maybe only one other person will relate to? Yes & yes. If it brings you joy, makes you laugh, makes you think or gives you a moment of “Hey, me too. I thought I was the only one” then it’s a worthy detail. And God doesn’t just put up with them. He doesn’t roll his eyes or swipe through the “insignificant” moments of your day because your moments are significant. All of them. It is your stories that add up to your life and who you are. He sees you as he made you. He delights in you living your life and living into how he created uniquely you. It makes him happy and his is really the most important opinion there is.

I’m not saying we don't all have room for growth. I want to grow and be better to the point that I have to fight against striving too hard. It’s easy for me to want to change myself and play chameleon to make happy whoever is in closest proximity to me. But it’s got to be about more than knowing your audience. Because when you’re living for the opinions of others, you’re ultimately living for them. Not for yourself and certainly not for God. There’s a difference in trying to be who others think you should be and trying to fully live into the best version of who God made you to be. There will be hard conversations and criticism. There will be opinions and suggestions. We can learn from all feedback, even if it’s hurtful and critical. Even if it’s wrong and you don’t agree. What people perceive to be true is true, whether or not it’s what we meant. That’s a hard filter to live through, knowing that you will never be able to make everyone happy. Someone will always judge you, misunderstand you or dismiss you. We don’t want to completely disregard the opinions of others; feedback is how we grow after all. It takes humility and admission that we aren’t perfect and have room for improvement to say “Okay, maybe that wasn’t exactly what I was going for.” It takes some tweaking in how we share the next time.

But it also doesn’t mean letting just anyone & everyone speak into who you get to be. Let God’s opinion be your filter & the lens your thoughts must go through. Find people who, themselves, are being guided and directed by the Lord. Find people who give you room to trip & fall as you learn to grow into who God created you to be. Find people whose opinions of you can change as you do, who will let you grow and transform. Find people who will also hold you by the hand and direct you when you stumble. All opinions matter to an extent but there are few that you should let sink in. Those are the people you can trust to guide you without a hidden agenda. The people you can trust because you know they are seeing you for who you really are, not through any type of warped filter of who they think you are or should be. These people are not easy to find and it will most likely be a painful process as you figure out who can hold your heart with gentle hands, accept you in all of your stumbling and believe the best about you in all things. It will hurt as you outgrow relationships and realize that some people aren’t willing to grow with you or let you grow outside of the confines they want you to be in because their version of you is stuck on who you were when you met them or it’s based on one thing you once said or did. And that lesson is hard. But I encourage you to do the hard work of figuring out who those people are, letting them really know you and then giving them permission to speak into your life. Establish whose opinions do hold weight so you can take back the sting of people who don’t get to have that kind of influence in your life. Then when the right feedback comes, you can take a deep breath, remind yourself not to be defensive & know that they are coming to you from a place of love and wanting you to grow fully into who you are meant to be.

Not only will you have a support system who makes you better, but they’ll laugh at your Instastories, too.