Instagram is not your pulpit.

It’s easy to feel really misunderstood, especially when it comes to social media. I certainly feel it and maybe you can relate. There is so much going on in the world that I want to help free people from. I see hurt and heartache, people carrying burdens of bitterness, unforgivness and trauma. I see doubt and confusion and a desire for connection. Woven through it all, I see the enemy swooping in to lie, persuade and convince us of all kinds of things from who we are to what our situation really is to what the people in our lives believe about us. I’m not claiming to know everyone’s background or story. I’m not saying I know everyone’s experience. But I do pick up on patterns, I recognize the signs of desperation and I can see the enemy moving.

It breaks my heart.

I want to be hopeful and encouraging so I try to bring forward the good that’s still out there, how God is still moving and pursuing us in relationship. I want to call out the enemy and shake people loose from his grasp so I try to call out things that I see as misguided. I want people to be loved and accepted and included and living their best lives in the midst of community so I try to draw people back to the Church (as a people, not a building).

But the world is so broken that the truth often falls on deaf ears. Or even worse, it’s taken the wrong way.

So many people are in trauma right now, and I’m not excluding myself. We are tired, we’re mentally exhausted, our emotions have been in a blender. We don’t know what to feel, what to do, what to say or where to go. As soon as we think we have a handle on our lives, something else sets us off and sends us back into orbit. So we cling hard and fast to what we believe to be true, to what we think will stop the spinning and bring us back to being grounded.

The problem is, frantically grasping on to whatever we can catch as it flies by us leaves us holding on to whatever else is out there in the whirlwind. It’s agendas, conspiracy theories, catchy phrases that sound good but aren’t built on truth, people with charisma who don’t actually have concern for our wellbeing. If the only things we’re certain of are the things we’re against, our confirmation bias tells us that the world is actually against us. And that it’s our job to self-correct people and situations who don’t line up. We become trigged and reactive, set on personal vendettas to right the wrongs we’ve decided to embody.

Maybe because we’re passionate about the issue.

Maybe because it’s the only thing we can control.

Maybe I’m doing it too.

If you know me, you know I have a heart for the Church. Not just my church but the Church as a whole. I see it’s value, I see it’s flaws and I see it’s purpose. I believe we can be better, make it better and redeem what it has become. Jesus said he would build his church and the gates of hell, death and destruction will not overcome it. But they sure are trying right now and it feels like every day they’re closing in.

When I see people leaving in droves nationwide, it hurts my soul. Because while you can leave the church without leaving God - I know, I get the DMs - a lot of people have a hard time disconnecting the two. I want you to know you don’t have to turn your back on your entire faith just because the system is broken. You don’t have to decide that all of it is untrue when you realize it might not be what you always thought it was. You don’t have to divorce the entire church of Jesus because you were hurt by one congregation or staff or system.

I post and preach and engage in conversations because I want to call out the truth of what could be, to show how the Church doesn’t have to be controlling and unhealthy and broken. The church of Jesus does not reflect the abuse of power and control and manipulation that so many people have experienced. Church hurt happens when we forget that it goes the other way - any church that isn’t operating out of the love of Christ isn't doing it right at all. Church hurt is real but it’s just as redeemable as any other broken thing. There are people out here trying to give you grace and space to figure it out, saying it’s okay if you’re unsure or you’re wounded or you don’t know what’s real anymore. We want you to stay because we know it can be better and we want to help heal your soul back to wholeness in Jesus.

But the world is also broken. And people hear what they want to hear.

The other day I admitted out loud that I was discouraged because it feels like everything I say comes out wrong or offends someone or doesn’t land like I intend it to. That I’m not the skilled communicator I think I am because I can’t seem to convey my heart or the message God has laid on it. Instead of care for people, they hear condemnation. Instead of an open invitation, they see walls to close them in. Every thing I want to share takes twice as long because when I say “this” I have to also say “but I don’t mean that” to overexplain what I do and don't mean. People have become experts in crafting new meaning from words that weren’t theirs. It’s so discouraging, it makes me want to quit trying.

But the enemy is lying to me as well. And if I stop, if I let him silence me, he wins.

That being said, it also hit me that Instagram is not my pulpit. And the entire wide world of commenters and people looking to throw their voices around to share hurt instead of hope do not have to be my audience. I know that when I put myself out there, when I teach or preach or post on social media that it’s out in the world and can be accessed by anyone. I get that. But the difference is this - I can choose when and how to engage. I don’t need to speak to every thing I see, even if I agree with it.

Because I believe the best in people and I believe god wants to use me, I tend to see everything as an opportunity. If I comment on another person’s post and get pushback from another commenter, I assume they misread it and took my words to have a different meaning. So I carefully craft a better response. I tell myself that if I explain and can get them to understand what I’m saying, God can use it to speak to their heart. I’m not saying He can’t or won’t but I’m learning that just because someone is reading the content, it doesn’t mean they are open to receiving what it says. This is where we have the choice of when to engage, how to respond or if we even need to look at the responses at all. This is where we have the choice to send a private message to the person who owns the account and encourage their voice and courage that way, instead of opening ourselves up in the comment section.

It’s a weird place to be, to feel called to use my voice. It’s an intimidating place to be, to feel like I’m saying words God has given me. It can bring a lot of insecurity, imposter syndrome and discouragement. I’m not saying all of that will magically disappear, especially for those of us trying to navigate how in the actual world to do ministry and care for people in this time that makes no sense. It doesn’t mean people will stop being cruel, stop unfollowing or stop leaving our churches and our lives over things we say they don’t agree with. (And yes, you have every right to do and go and believe what you choose - my goal will never be to force anyone into anything.) But for those of us who are called, we can’t let discouragement or defeat or defiance silence us.

Choose your time and place. Be wise with your words. Don’t waste your breath on people who aren’t open to listening. But if you know your message was given to you, don’t hold it back. There is someone who needs to hear it and God will soften their heart to receive it.