In response to Capitol Hill.

I will be wrong. I will make mistakes. I will say too much for some and not enough for others. I will unintentionally allow my biases, my experiences, my privilege and my lens to influence my words and my reactions. I am learning in a public space to try and encourage my white friends to do the same. It is a process which requires vulnerability because it means my missteps will be public, too. My selfish prayer is that you will track with me in the journey and see the heart behind my words, the culmination of how I treat people instead of deriving meaning from isolated fragments. My bigger prayer is that God would continue to remove the blinders from my eyes and reveal the areas where I need to be quietly humble and learn through listening.

I am a white woman. I write from the assumption that you are a white woman because the majority of you are. I forget that isn’t always the case and I’m glad that it’s not anymore. I’m trying to remember that my words could be received differently from your perspective. I’m trying to be more aware of the white lens I am coming out from behind while also remembering that many of you are still there, confused, not knowing how to move forward. I want to help you along however I can.

My goal is never isolation, shame, exclusion or division.

I represent Jesus. I will never do it perfectly but I try every day to do it better.

I also represent my church. And my pastors. An entire body of people. My words represent others and therefore, I choose to be more careful. Not out of privilege or cowardice but out of stewardship and responsibility for them. I will take the time to process and allow room for the Spirit to intervene in my emotions and reactions because my correction comes from Him first. Seeking His guidance and timing is the only way to be confident that my intentions are pure, not performative.

My favorite conversations are the long, hard ones which are typically not on display here. Not because I can hide behind them but because it’s a space for the sharing of hearts. For explanation and context and understanding the frameworks we speak from. For grace and assumptions of sincerity.

What happened yesterday was wrong. It was white privilege. If those people had been black or brown or purple, future high school history classes would be teaching a very different course of events. There were errors in leadership, governance and so many places. America’s history is broken with racial divide and hate for “the other” but our future doesn’t have to be.

I don’t have the answer. And I don’t want to put a spiritual band-aid over a bleeding wound. But I will continue to love people and point you to Jesus with hope. I will weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. I will use my imperfect voice to keep calling attention to the fact that this world needs Jesus. If you want to process, learn and grow with me, I'm grateful to have you here.