where is the lie?

There are truths that we know but can’t accept. Head knowledge that can’t make it’s way into our hearts. Depending on who you are, your personality and - quite frankly - your insecurities, these will vary between us.

Maybe you know that God loves everyone but you feel like He really only likes you. Or He loves you because He has to but if He had any choice, He would definitely pick favorites and you wouldn’t be it. You remember when you were good enough but then you changed. You know you’re forgiven for the mistakes you’ve made but are pretty sure God’s general opinion of you is a shade above tolerable disappointment. So you hide the parts of yourself that don’t gain approval or earn you love.

Maybe you know that you are special but you live like you’re ordinary. There are things you’re good at, that come more easily to you than they do to other people. You have skills and talents that deep down you’re proud of but you don’t fully live in to them because your insecurities speak louder. The voices of others telling you it isn’t that special speak louder. You listen to those voices and tell yourself you aren’t really special, it isn’t really a big deal and there are a hundred other people out there just like you, doing the same thing. So you resign to living small.

Maybe you have plenty of friends but in reality you are lonely. Your social media following is decent. You laugh, smile and enjoy being with people. You truly do get joy from being around others but deep down you’re waiting for them to leave. Because everyone eventually does. Because they like you for what you can do or who you are to them but once they know the real you or you let them down, they’ll say “in that case, it’s been fun” like so many others have done. So you invest in knowing others but feel alone yourself because no one truly knows you.

Maybe you are doing something incredible but you tell yourself it doesn’t count. Your calling is clear, you’re headed in the right direction and you are going after your dreams, goals or purpose. But your living turns to striving because it’s never enough. You can’t be proud of your accomplishments because when you risked vulnerability, when you spoke out confidently about what you’d done, you were shut down and told it wasn’t that impressive. Or you stopped being proud of yourself because you were told it’s conceited and showy. So you strive and you try and you try and you try and you chase perfection because it’s the only way you’ll ever do enough.

None of these were hard for me to come up with because I feel them in all of their rawness and vulnerability. I live with them all. But I focus on the first and last sentences. I hear the lie and react with action, forgetting there are truths in the middle. Truths that I know in my head are true but that my heart struggles to accept.

I have to get to the place where I can do this for myself. Where I can connect my head to my heart without the validation of others. There is nothing like community and relationship, family and friends who might as well be family. God uses them to speak to me through text messages, notes left on my car and even on social media. He speaks through people who encourage me and pull me up when I don’t have the strength to climb out of the pit. People who see the greatness we have within us are God’s best gift.

But God is not the only one speaking through people. There is an enemy of your soul who is talking to you as well. My guess is that he speaks the loudest through the people he knows will hurt you the most. The ones you want to support you, encourage you, love you and accept you. The enemy uses their words, your assumptions of their meaning and the way you overthink those interactions to keep you believing the lies. He divides and breaks relationships to break your heart and leave you feeling more alone and insecure. To keep you from living into your purpose, your uniqueness and His genuine love.

If we rely solely on others to remind us of who we are, we will still be living for other people. We’ll perform for approval. We’ll achieve for recognition. We’ll give of ourselves to get love. And we will end up disappointed every single time. We can't put our value in the opinions of others, even those who love us the absolute most. Because even the best ones are still people just as broken as we are, with their own insecurities and inner battles.

We have to believe God when he says we are loved.
We have to believe God when he says we are special.
We have to believe God when he says who we are is enough.
We have to believe God when he says he is already proud of us.

It’s as easy and difficult as that: make the choice to believe it, regardless of what you hear from others.

A few ways we can achieve this:

First, ask God for your truth. Figure out the insecurity or lie or hurt that you’re carrying around. You probably already know what it is but there could be layers of junk buried down in there. (As my therapist taught me.) You may need to spend time with God, asking Him to show you what lies you’re believing. You may need to see a therapist or counselor who knows how to ask the right questions to help you dig in. It will most likely be a process but this is where you start. Ask God for your truth. Ask Him who you are. Ask Him what you’re believing about Him that isn’t aligned with His character. Ask Him what you’re believing about yourself that was put there by another broken human being but you’re believing to be inherently part of who you are.

Then listen. Get a journal. Open your notes app. Write it down. And make the choice to believe it. Keep it in the forefront of your mind. Get good at recognizing the lie and how it makes you feel. Keep working at it until you can catch the lie before you follow the feeling into the pit. Speak truth into the lie until the voice is so foreign you wonder how you listened to it for so long.

Search for reminders and use them to muffle sounds of the lies. Find songs that speak to you and remind you of what’s true. Make a playlist that you can put on when you begin to doubt. Find bible verses and quotes on Pinterest or Instagram that inspire you. Save them on your phone screen or print them out. Hang them on your mirror, tape them to your car or stick them in the fridge. Spend time with God. Talk to Him. Sit quietly. And tell Him how you’re feeling. Not because He doesn’t know - He does - but because He wants a relationship with you. He won’t judge your doubts, questions or feelings. He won’t ignore your prayers because they’re full of cussing. (trust me) But He longs for you to bring them to Him.

Make the choice to believe what’s true and have the courage to believe it for yourself.

You are loved.
You are special.
You are enough.
You make Him proud.