Bombshell

Here's the thing about being sexually harassed at work. It condemns you to questions.
You keep asking yourself: What did I say? What did I wear? What did I miss? Am I seen as weak? Will they say I'm after money? Will they say I'm after attention? Will I be left out?
Will I be defined by this for the rest of my life?
-Margot Robbie in Bombshell

Hot tears. Hot tears streamed down my face as I sat staring at my TV and I could not figure out why. Sure, I’ve had unwanted attention and comments and even touches from men but I can honestly say that I have been spared from sexual harassment and abuse. Which is my tears were so confusing as I heard Margot Robbie’s voiceover, all of those questions running through her mind as the shots panned from face to face to face of so many women.

I woke up the next morning still feeling the weight of those questions. Because I have asked these questions. Have all women asked these questions? I am not diminishing the severity of sexual harassment or comparing heartaches by debating if other horrors are comparable to sexual assault. It’s disgusting and unacceptable and heartbreaking. But I can see, additionally, how well this internal monologue fits in a variety of other situations. These questions can be broadened to a much greater context. If we don’t acknowledge that Lesser evils can still cause these questions, we minimize the experiences of others. While I know it opens me up to ridicule and criticism, making space for all of you is one of my main goals here and I do not believe that sharing your story means you are equating your situation to anyone else’s. There is room for all of us to pull up a chair, tell our stories and feel our feelings about them.

As women, a lot of things we do are scarier than if a man were to do it. Like T Swift sang, “If I was a man then I’d be the man.” Because as a woman, the world sees us differently. It’s a risk to step out of the box when the world tells us to get back in it because it makes everyone else more comfortable for us to just be who other people want us to be. It’s confusing trying to live outside of the expectations that are put on us based on what we look like, our career choice or the roles we play in life when they don't feel like they fit us. It’s scary to do anything that could result in failure. Because no one remembers our accomplishments, only our missteps.

These questions. I’ve doubted myself by putting them into the mouths of other people, letting myself hear words that were never actually spoken. We take our own doubts and project them on to other people because at some point in time, we have felt them from the world around us. We felt the pressure of not living up, the disappointment of not receiving the recognition we deserved, the frustration when our idea was re-presented by a male colleague and then it was approved. We’re afraid to fail or show any uncertainty because we don’t want it to be taken as weakness. We’re afraid to be too bold or outspoken because we don’t want to be accused of seeking attention. We’re afraid to make any mistakes that will be our one defining lens that taints our image or prevents us from future opportunities. We’re afraid of appearing damaged, incompetent or incapable so we fight, push down our insecurities and blaze forward like we don’t have them.

What if trying to prove ourselves is still just playing the game? What if it’s not about trying to prove the men wrong? Or trying to beat them? What if it’s not about appearing to be stronger, more badass women because that’s just a different way of squeezing into a different mold? I’m not saying we should silently submit or stop fighting for our places. But I wonder if we could change the narrative, embracing who God made us to be as women, using the things we’ve been told to push into non-existence. Instead of trying to be robotic, unfeeling “boss babes,” can’t we find success by living into the things that make us feminine and gentle and human?

…and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
2 Corinthians 10:5

You’ve probably heard this concept. Take your thoughts captive. Submit them to God’s way of thinking. This is often used out of context to shame people who have “immoral thoughts.” Well, guess what? We all have thoughts we shouldn’t. inappropriate, judgmental, unfair, condemning, pessimistic thoughts. Yes, we should take them captive and do our darnedest to think about things - and people - through God’s perspective. But! What if there is more to this verse? What if taking our thoughts captive also means God’s perspective becomes the lens for ourselves? That we stop focusing on what other people think, we stop worrying about the assumptions other people will make, and think instead about what God says about us.

He says you are capable, brilliant, strong. He has created you for this exact moment in time. He has placed you in your community, your family, your friend group, your workplace on purpose. Your stories and experiences and perspectives matter because they are how you relate to those around you. When other women come behind you with frustrations, you can speak life into their discouragement. When other women come behind you doubting their capabilities, you can inspire them to push through their insecurities. When other women come behind you, they can follow your example of living life fully and joyfully in all that God created you to be.

Knowing who you are God and who God made you to be doesn't make life easy or mean your goals will be all the more attainable. We still live in a broken world. But you need to take back the valuable, precious space in your mind where you have let others determine your value. The questions and the doubts will still come and they will still be terrifying. But that is what you have to remember - they are based in fear - and God did not create you to shrink back. Living into who He says you are actually gives you the power to do all of the things you’re going after. He doesn't want us to be shy and reserved with our gifts and talents. Let’s live them out in a boldness of who He says we are. Not because we’re trying to live up to worldly standards that we were never meant to reach but because we take fearful thoughts captive and bounce the ones that don't line up with what God thinks about us.

He gave his son up for you. And it wasn’t an afterthought or an impulsive band-aid to save the world. Jesus was the plan from the beginning. From day one of creation. Jesus lived and died so you can live, too. That is how much you mean to God when He thinks about you.