I got to talk to some 1st and 3rd graders at Marlee’s school today for Career Day. It reminded me of how awesome and easy to talk to kids are. If you have access to a kid, pull up a chair and chat with them for a while. Just start talking. Ask questions about their day. Find some common ground in a TV show or movie and just let them go. Kids are so open to other people, it’s refreshing. They make me excited about what the future holds for all of us.

As I was prepping what to say for Career Day - as a pastor - in a public school - to other people’s children - I landed on my main 3 roles: I teach, I care & I lead.

I told them how I used to teach kindergarten and first grade and how I still got to do that. I reminded them of the importance of being a lifelong learner and continuing to read and write and research and study even after graduation. We talked about not believing everything you read (especially on the internet) and the importance of thinking critically about information you see - Is it true? Do you believe it? What do you think it means for you?

I talked about caring for our people and how, at Mosaic, we see our church like a family. I explained how it was a place where people are excited you’re there and everyone belongs, even if they don’t look the same or believe the same things. I told them about Hope For All and how I get to teach other people to be accepting and care for people who are different from them as well.

And I talked about leadership, especially in a role where most of the people who have my job are men and some people think I shouldn’t have this job because I’m a girl. It was every bit as “you really can be whatever you want to be and don’t let anyone ever tell you that you can’t” as you imagine it to be. Then I told them the secret of leadership - that I used to think it was about being the boss, making all the decisions, getting people to listen to me. (Their eyes were lighting up at this part, I had them right where I wanted them.) I told them the secret of leadership is really in giving it away and how empowering others to be their best selves and helping them live into their life calling is really the best way to be a leader. I could tell by their faces that was not the answer they anticipated so I have hope it stuck.

Then it was my favorite time - Q&A. Put me in front of a group of kids any day and I’ll answer their questions until they start wandering away. Do you have a lot of joy in your job? Do you have a husband? Is your job cool? Do you only work on Sundays? Do you go to the church every day? Do you have any siblings? Do your kids like going to church with you? I’ve never been to a church. My grandpa’s a pastor. I have a dog. Are we going to do something else now? (I’m pretty sure that one was directed at the teacher.)

There were 2 reoccurring questions that I was asked more than once in each session. Since they seem to be popular wonderings, I figured I’d share them with you in a way that’s not quite 1st grade level but hopefully is easy enough to understand.

What is your favorite part of being a pastor?

My favorite parts - as I had to come up with multiple answers for the multiple times I was asked - all revolve around people. I love connecting people to each other. I love meeting one person and another person and saying “You two should be friends!” and watching the relationships grow. I love inviting people into our family who didn't feel like they fit in somewhere else. I love looking around at our church and seeing people who are so different from each other in all the ways - with different looks, skin colors, ages, backgrounds, likes, dislikes, beliefs and lifestyles. I love seeing the uniqueness of each individual and knowing that I can show up in whatever manner makes me feel like me that day, whether it’s ripped jeans and a leather jacket or some ostentatious flamboyant piece of fashion that leaves people wishing I had left it in my closet. I love watching people grow and being part of relational reconciliation. I love seeing people wrestle with what they believe, who they are, who they think others are and coming through all of the doubt and questions more confident on the other side. I love encouraging people to live their lives fully and unequivocally as themselves, broken and messy pieces notwithstanding. I love watching God move in their lives and watching them fall more in love with Him.

What is the hardest part of your job?

I probably could’ve said a lot of different thing here. I could’ve talked about how exhausted I am after Sundays, how my schedule is constantly overfull or honed back in on navigating being female in a male dominated profession. But the thing about kids, especially when they ask questions, is that they want to know the truth. And they’re owed the truth. And they know when you aren’t giving it to them. So I gave them the real real. The hardest part of my job is also the people. Because Mosaic is like a family, we love each other so much. I love people fast and hard and I get so many different people to love. But sometimes people leave. They might get a new job or move away or just choose to go to a different church - and I explained that all of these things are okay and not wrong - but even when people leave your family for a good reason, it’s still really hard. At least for me, with this heart God’s given me. A sensitive, quick to include, quick to attach heart that sometimes feels like a blessing and sometimes feels like a curse. My favorite thing I feel lucky to have and the thing I’ve asked God to change the most frequently because some days I just can’t bear it.

What are pastor hearts made of? I wrote in my journal last week.

Something unbreakable? No, certainly not.

Something that breaks and reforms again?
Something resilient that regenerates after brokenness?

What would that be?

Not clay because while it stretches, it does break.
Not a mirror because it doesn’t just reflect, it absorbs what it feels.
Not a puzzle because it doesn't require specific pieces to be whole.

It’s ever changing - adapting - as people come and go
Leaving holes in their absence that are not replaceable
Yet aways allow space for others to be added in.

Never fully broken but always evolving.
Holding space for both what’s missing and the promise of more.
The promise of beauty, hope and life among the shattered pieces.

And as I was journaling, in a way that is much more poetic than my normal word vomit to page, it hit me. The visual of what I couldn’t find the words for.

a mosaic.

I am a pastor at Mosaic church and people are both my favorite and hardest part of my job. This is the heart God gave me years ago that I get to live out in my calling now. This is not something I’ve been told to strive for nor is it the explanation or description I’ve read, been told or seen to be associated with my job description. Maybe this isn't true of every pastor’s heart but it is true of mine. And on the days when it seems like my heart doesn’t work right or I can’t keep loving people in the manner I default to, remind me that it’s for them and about Him. He will help carry my burdens, He will protect my heart in the gentlest of cradled hands and He will give me His love to keep giving away.

“Oh that when they look in my eyes they would see You.” - Bethel Music

So no (as my kids would say) I don’t like my job. I love it.