At least once a year (sometimes twice) I find myself stuck in a cycle. I get hit hard in my insecurities and my achiever personality that has a tendency to attach my identity to my performance starts to spiral down into a pit of despair. Even when I recognize that I’m in it, it’s hard to pull myself through. I can’t do this. I gave it a good try but I am bringing this thing down. All I see are issues - many of which are a result of my own lack of knowledge & know-how - and I don’t even know where to begin to fix it. I can’t do this. I live in this space for 2-3 days feeling defeated and hopeless, holing up in comfy clothes & hiding from people. (This is probably not something that I should admit as someone in leadership but I’ve never hidden behind “supposed to” before so why start now?) Eventually something happens that snaps me out of my funk. It’s usually God. When I stop trying to eat my feelings, sweat out my frustrations or micromanage my fears, that’s when God speaks truth into my desperation.

I’m not great with memorization of any kind so when it comes to scripture, I do a lot of googling. “Bible verse about pride. Scripture about stubborn leaders.” That kind of thing. Last week I searched God told people to quit their b*&%n - I mean, whining. And I found the best example in Numbers 11.

Moses is in the wilderness with the people he helped exile from slavery in Egypt. They have manna (crackers) magically appearing to feed them on the daily. But, as people do, they want different and they want better and they are making no qualms about their voicing their complaints. They’re reminiscing about all of the food they used to have as slaves, especially meat. Burgers, steaks, rotisserie chicken, they miss all of it and continually vocalize their lack of protein. So Moses says to God “Why are you treating me this way? What did I ever do to you to deserve this? Did I conceive them? Was I their mother? So why dump the responsibility of this people on me?…Where am I supposed to get meat for all these people who are whining to me?” Moses is frustrated. He recognizes the burden, sees that there are problems but has no idea how to solve them. On top of that, he is letting the feedback - both the complaints and the ideas from the suggestion box - get to him. Instead of caring for his people, he is virtually annoyed at their existence, arguing with God that he didn’t birth them and therefore shouldn’t have to be so involved. (Seriously, this is one of those places that I laugh out loud at the reality & relatability of the people we tend to idolize in scripture.)

Then he says “I can’t do this by myself - it’s too much, all these people. If this is how you intend to treat me, do me a favor and kill me. I’ve seen enough; I’ve had enough. Let me out of here.” Yeah, I’m gonna go ahead and suggest that Moses was stuck in a pit of despair. And I hate it for him but I LOVE it for me. If you’ve never uttered a phrase out loud and then seen it in print in your Bible, crack that baby open more often. It’s like God putting a mirror under your nose to show you that you’re not alone. “Here, look, Moses was whining about this, too.”

So God tells Moses to get other leaders “whom you know to be respected and responsible” so they can figure it out. They all gather in a conference room, God joins the meeting and He takes some of the Spirit that is on Moses and places it on them to help him carry the load of burden, telling him “you won’t have to carry the whole thing alone.” Oh, wait. All I have to do is ask God for help and He’ll give me people to lighten my burden? Is it really that easy? Yes. Well, almost. There is a second step and you guessed it, it’s the harder one.

You have to let the people help you. Mmmm. About that. You have to be wiling to receive their help. You have to be willing to receive God’s help and direction, which may reroute you from the way you were headed. It may mean taking those problems and giving control of them over to someone else to fix or solve because the reason you can’t do it is that you were never meant to. If you’re a leader, build a team. If you have people supporting you, rely on them. Find people who are respected & responsible, not just people you like or who admire you. Find the right people and let them help carry your load, however that looks.

After God alleviates some of Moses’ burden He says (wait for it) "Tell the people, get ready for tomorrow when you’re going to eat meat. You’ve been whining to God ‘We want meat; give us meat. We had a better life in Egypt.’ God has heard your whining and he’s going to give you meat. You’re going to eat meat. And it’s not just for a day that you’ll eat meat, or two days, or five or ten or twenty, but for a whole month. You’re going to eat meat until it’s coming out your nostrils. You’re going to be so sick of meat that you’ll throw up at the mere mention of it. Because you have rejected God who is right here among you, whining to his face ‘Oh why did we ever have to leave Egypt?’”

Maybe God was in a pit, too?! Kidding. I know God doesn’t have my feelings or thoughts - and we’re all better for it - but I can’t help but laugh when I think about God being all “Oh, I’m sorry. Your life was better in slavery? All you want is meat? Well, here, by all means, LET ME HELP YOU” and then getting ready to rain down beef.

Oh, but wait! Before He even has the chance, Moses pipes up again. “I’m standing here surrounded by 600,000 men on foot and you say ‘I’ll give them meat, meat every day for a month.’ So where’s it coming from? Even if all the flocks and herds were butchered, would that be enough? Even if all the fish in the sea were caught, would that be enough?”

And God answers (likely with a face palm) “Do you think I can’t take care of you? You’ll see soon enough whether what I say happens for you or not.” YIKES. God has had to tell me lots of things when I’m being dense but I’m pretty sure a “you’ll see” would shut down anyone with any good sense. It works for Moses and he tells the people what God said. And God did what he said and swept in quail from the sea “to a depth of about three feet in the camp and as far out as a day’s walk in every direction.” To someone who doesn’t like her food to look like what it is (get your cornish game hens out of here) this does not sound appetizing but the abundance of God’s provision is not lost on me. Can you imagine the amount of meat He sent to these people?! Read it again. Birds piled up 3 feet high and as far out as they could walk in a day. Yeah, that’s enough to throw up at the mention of it.

But God provided in abundance - more than they surely could’ve asked or imagined. And I have to wonder, how is God providing for me in the same way? Where is He showering me with abundance that I don’t see as provision? What is raining down on me that I’m complaining about and trying to get out from under? Could it be that all of the people Moses was whining about were actually people God sent to him? Some of them turned out to be his team, his arm-bearers, his very best leaders. When he was able to receive help, Moses’ complaints about the people he was meant to care for, all of the issues he didn’t know how to solve, were taken care of. Not in his own strength. Not because he figured out a solution. Not even because God worked some miraculous thing through him. Moses took a breath, a step back & let God do what only He can do.

“Do you think I can’t take care of you?” Yes, Lord. When I get hyper focused on what I can’t do, my insecurities and the problems around me, that is what I think. That I am so influential, I can throw off your divine plan. That I am so powerful, I have created problems you can’t provide solutions to. That you are so reliant on me, your people will not be reached without me. Sounds pretty cocky and prideful when you think of it that way, doesn’t it? That’s why God uses those scripture mirrors, to show us what we’re really doing. What people have been doing for a zillion years. And how He has saved them from themselves for millions of years. Who am I that God won’t do the same for me? Who are you? We are nobodies. Just like the people of the Bible. The people that God continued to use after He rescued them. Even as they were whining, He reached down and pulled them out of their pity party pits.

Just like He did for me as I read this passage. Just like He will do for you. Google your struggle or open to a random page and just start reading. He will meet you there and pull you out. Every time.